He Doesn’t Sound Like Someone Who Would Have a Hairy Back

The printed page is obsolete. Information isn’t bound up anymore. It’s an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you’re not jacked in you’re not alive. – “I, Robot… You Jane,” S1, Ep. 8 of The TV Show
I’m not a person. See me not exist? I’m not on the book of faces, and I don’t tweet like a bird. Deleting my Facebook about eight or nine months ago was liberating, and a good number of people have asked me if I miss it, which usually causes me to pause. I think about it, and realize that I haven’t even thought about it until they’ve asked me, so I can say that’s a no. I’m broadcasting it in the months after that October post I wrote when I first started this blog that I don’t at all. I promised myself I wouldn’t write about it anymore, and this post won’t be about Facebook. Okay, okay. It is, but it’s more about something larger, which is the digital world. Obviously I still live and participate in it without being a part of much social media. I e-mail, text, work a job that glues me to a computer screen for eight hours a day and sometimes more, and read my news mainly on the internet. I’m a cafeteria follower of the digital world. I pick and choose what aspects of it I want to be a part of. And, I’ve been trying to figure out where I draw the lines. I don’t own a TV, which is similarly liberating, but I indulge in a good deal of streaming Netflix and DVDs. I have a laptop and find myself using it for everything, which is part of what I fear about our current technology, especially with that ipad2 commercial where it espouses the greatness of it by showing how it’s everything in one device. No, thank you. I still don’t know what technologies I find acceptable for myself and which ones I’ll pass on. I just recently got a smart phone. Since it was a free upgrade, and the plan was comparable to what I was paying anyway, I figured why not. I hardly use the internet on it though. The only difference is that I’m now updated every time I get an email, which I don’t even like and have been meaning to change the settings to disallow that. The week before I got it, I was out at Wick’s for the weekly Team Trivia I’ve been doing for about two years now, and at one point, I scanned my friends, and every single person in our large booth had their head down, crouched over their phones, tapping their screens in silence. I turned to my friend, Alex. “Exhibit A of why I don’t want a smart phone.” Do we now come out with friends to sit and look at our phones? Is that facebook status, tweet, or Angry Birds game more important than having a conversation in person? Yet, I still caved and got one when I said I never would. Was part of it peer pressure? A response to the jokes I received with my old phone? I’m sad to admit, yes, partly. But, it’s scared me into thinking if I gave in to that — something I never said I would — what other technology I adamantly refuse will I gradually and inevitably embrace?
At times, I feel like a paranoid lunatic, or think that’s how I’m being perceived by some people. Either as someone who’s needlessly cautious or someone who’s a snob. The issue I’m questioning is one that’s been around for quite some time. While thinking about it the past few months, I felt like being conflicted with the digitalization of information and interaction was something specific to the last five years or so. I recently watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the campy and self-aware 90’stastic first season, and it hit the same mark I’m writing about now. I found myself falling into the same stance as Giles, the dry but wry British librarian, who outright resists computers altogether, instead of Jenny Calendar, another teacher, who thinks he’s a snob for it. He explains at the end of the episode that he doesn’t like computers because they don’t smell, and as he bumbles, “books smell musty and-and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a – it, uh, it has no-no texture, no-no context. It’s-it’s there and then it’s gone. If it’s to last, then-then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um, smelly.” I’ve also wondered how prescient the last chapter of Jennifer Egan’s A Visit from the Goon Squad is. It thrusts forward to a future world in which people have “hand sets,” which I assume is some device like a phone attached to one’s hand, people T, meaning text. There was some law passed to protect personal digital information, because it’s implied that certain companies somehow exploited people’s personal information for marketing purposes, though specific names like Google, Facebook, or Twitter never appear.  Language has changed, and words like “freedom,” “democracy,” and “story” are all written with quotes around them, because they no longer have any meaning. Text language is ubiquitous and is characterized by abbreviating everything while taking out all vowels. In my experience with the way some people in my life email and text, I can see this shift happening, which is sad. Language evolves, and I’m a strong supporter, but not to the extent of wiping out core elements of what makes our language artful and intelligent. If someone texted or emailed me in this way, I probably wouldn’t respond. Or would I have to if everyone in my life did? The hashtags and @reply symbols I sometimes use in emails with my friends ironically, and partly to poke fun at how base digital communication is would no longer be ironic. It would be how I would have to communicate. This gets at the core reason of my resistance to some digital media: it was supposed to make people smarter, but it’s seemed to do the opposite, clearly evidenced by the way our language has been dumbed down by it.
Personal interaction. This is the reason I give when asked about why I don’t participate in social media. “Because I value personal interaction more,” I’ll say. It’s an easy answer to give, and I’ve given that same rote response so much I’ve lost what it even means at times. I also say it’s to free myself of distractions. I’m distracted enough as it is to the point where I now put my phone in another room and close the door during activities like a good Saturday morning writing session, and even then I’m on my computer with Gmail or Youtube just a few key strokes away. I often wonder how I get any reading or writing done. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy what digital media has given me. I like that I can cultivate my own media experience. I can watch the TV shows and movies I want to on Hulu or Netflix without having to own a TV and bring in what I don’t want into my home. I can email with a friend who’s currently teaching English in Vietnam and follow the blog of her daily events. I can find any previous This American Life podcast I remembered from three years ago and want to re-listen to. I can indulge my love of pop culture while particularly bored at work by texting cast parties back forth with Alex. My ipod is pretty convenient, another technology I once resisted and now have come to accept. Although, I’m guilty of itunes purchases instead of buying from Ear-x-tacy, the local music store in town, and also downloading music in torrents. But, I draw the line at e-readers. And another major line is when it comes to something like real human interaction, which can’t be replaced by media. Once, I skyped and was crept out by it. Not just by the audio and visual delay, because even if that glitch was fixed, which I’m sure has been by now, it would still be unsettling to have an interaction with this computer screen, pretending as if it’s the loved one. I’m someone who likes to think before I express an idea, who chooses his words carefully. Sometimes this is why I may be a little quiet in social settings, apart from some shyness. This quality I have is part of what makes me want to text or write an email or message instead of speaking in person. It’s more controlled. It’s not chaotic and free-flowing. I can ponder. So, it’s not always easy for me. And maybe this why I’m afraid I’ll eventually give in to what I say I won’t now. But, I keep in mind that placing more emphasis on written communication as opposed to real time isn’t authentic, and that’s been my goal by taking out some digital communication in the last almost-year, to experience people in all their quirks and personality more authentically. In that Buffy episode, Willow dates someone over the internet (who yes, in true Buffy fashion, turns out to be a demon), and Buffy is leery, pointing out that she can’t know him based on what he writes in messages, saying “he could be a circus freak — he’s probably a circus freak!” and says, jokingly but with a hint of seriousness to Willow, “He could have a hairy back.” And, she responds, “Well… he doesn’t sound like someone who would have a hairy back.” As silly as this point is garnered from the show, Willow’s reaction is similar to how people now view interactions with people online, as genuine and wrapped in the illusion of connection, when true connection can’t be replaced by the cold, unfeeling, visual field of the computer or phone screen.
What about you? What is your relationship with how you interact with the people in your life and technology? Does such a heavy reliance on digital communication bother you like it does me, at times? Do you ever make an effort to limit it? Or not? Do you think that anything that helps being connected to more people is something good? Do you really think things like social media connect us to the world more? I’ve been telling myself my smart phone purchase can be offset by lack of FB or twitter. I guess in the end, it’s all about a balance. And, I’ve been doing well in the last few months. I have noticed a difference in the way I value the real communication I have with people, even if they are status updating at the dinner table just a pizza or burrito away.
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7 thoughts on “He Doesn’t Sound Like Someone Who Would Have a Hairy Back

  1. i am so proud of you for the facebook thing. i hope one day i can make the leap. i have a buddy who changed his birthday on facebook, just to see if anyone would actually notice. he ended up getting about 100 happy birthday messages because no one knew him well enough on there to know it wasn't even his birthday. ha!

  2. Oh, man. While twisted, that birthday trick is quite amusing.Michael, even though I'm a techno geek, I've resisted having a smartphone myself. I kind of want one, but I prefer to have instant access to my brain instead of the matrix. As for facebook, it's a tool, but I have my own philosophy about social networking and internet communication that I hope to lay out in a blog post at some point. Cheers.

  3. Jess, that birthday bit is brilliant. If I were still on there, I don't doubt I would probably just have fun by doing something similar. When I was and would receive the flood of good wishes on my b-day, I could probably only identify roughly 10-20 of them as actually sincere.JJ, I look forward to a blog post with your opinion if you end up writing one. I would like to get your take, as someone who's tech savvy.

  4. It's all a balancing act. I know I keep Facebook in order to keep in touch with people I would otherwise lose track of. I attempt to not use it for more than that.I totes agree with smart phones at Wicks. I try to only use mine for checking the time because watches are so 1997.

  5. Good hearing from you, Alex! Keeping in touch with people was the main qualm I had with deleting my FB, and was what made me waver back and forth in the few months leading up to getting rid of it. But, then I stumbled upon the idea, isn't this how life is supposed to be? People lose touch, reconnect, lose touch again. It's the nature of human interaction, whether there's an FB or not.I try to limit mine while out too, and at Wicks, unless I need to look up The Last Dragon after we get it wrong… or do last minute Pippi research.

  6. Michel I liked this post…obviously a little late a reading it but anyway…My parents are constantly commenting about how I never call anyone but text them instead. I blow this comment off by telling them it's way easier and doesn't interrupt the other person's day. But every once in a while I think they might be right…As for facebook, I, unlike you, waste way too much time with it. I try to use it as a tool like JJ says but find myself, especially now with summer off, spending time just clicking around since I have nothing better to do (which is a complete lie)!When I read this post it reminded of this commercial I saw, so since you don't have tv you'll have to check out the youtube version of it…i find it humorous.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUGmcb3mhLMps – let's have some face time soon…k thanks!

  7. Ha! I love that commercial, Sarah. When I did have Facebook, I would do the same thing. Mindlessly click and click, because I could. I'm pretty sure if I had it now I would waste a bunch of time on it. I'm also guilty of texting instead of calling, because it is easier. And, I've never really been a big phone talker anyway. Thanks for the comment. They're welcome anytime. Hope to see you in the real world soon! : )

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